The Messages from Black Just Keep Coming!

Here's another one, this time from Positively Present...

the top 5 ways to love yourself now


(♥)
Hard as it can be to realize sometimes, no matter what you think, you are good enough. With the onslaught of picture perfect images in the media and culturally defined ideas of what we "should" look like, sometimes it's so hard to just do one of the most basic things -- love ourselves. To me, loving yourself is the very first step to living a positive and present life. If you can't love yourself, you're going to have a hard time truly loving the world around you and enjoying the life you're living. However, loving yourself is no easy task sometimes. It actually takes a lot of hard work, which is why I've come up with the top five ways you can start loving yourself right now.

Top 5 Ways to Love Yourself

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. The entire world encourages us to compare, to want what others have, to want to be like others. In the post I wrote back in 2009, Stop Judging: 4 Reasons, 5 Things, 6 Ways, I talked about how much we lose when we waste time judging others and ourselves. If you truly want to love yourself, you must stop your comparisons. Focus on you and what's great about who you are, what you have, and what you do. Don't waste any more time comparing yourself to those around you. This is the first -- and most important -- step to loving yourself now.

2. Focus on your achievements -- big and small. To often, we focus on the things that went wrong (or could go wrong) and not on the things we did right. We'll dwell forever on a conversation that went poorly, but hardly think at all about a wonderful interaction with had with someone. Likewise, people are often more likely to focus on their failures than their achievements (probably as some sort of self-protection in order to avoid future failures). It's okay to acknowledge the things that didn't go swimmingly, but if you really want to love yourself, you have to spend most of your time thinking about what you did/said right. And, remember, even the little things deserve a pat on the back.

3. Look past the mirror to your true self. It's all too common for people to define themselves by the way they look. Remember: you are more than what you look like. Yes, it cannot be denied that appearance is important and has some merit, but it is not everything. The way culture is set up, it's hard to remember that sometimes. Next time you look in the mirror and find yourself filled with negative thoughts, remind yourself that you are more than what you see in that reflection. Your worth is more than the way you look. Once you convince yourself of the truth in those words, it will become much easier to love your true self.

4. View yourself from an another perspective. We all have the tendency from time to time to get wrapped up in our own minds. Our thoughts and ideas take over and we tend to forget that there are millions and millions of other opinions and ideas out there in the world. The next time you find that you're giving yourself a hard time, take a step back and try to look at the situation -- and yourself -- objectively. You may soon realize that the way you were looking at yourself or the situation is not the way that others would. Taking a step back and looking at yourself with fresh eyes will help you to realize that you are worth more than you realize -- and you are certainly deserving of your own love.

5. Make a list of all your awesome traits. Feeling like you're not quite up to par? Stop. Drop what you're doing. Grab paper and a pen. And get to work. The activity might seem like a silly one, but, seriously, taking some time to write about how great you are will help you to realize that, no matter how you might feel about yourself sometimes, you really are pretty awesome. And if you find yourself struggling with this exercise, enlist the help of friends and family. Hearing their input about your awesomeness will make you realize that, hey, if all of those people can love you, you can certainly love yourself!

As I said, loving yourself isn't easy. It seems like the kind of thing that should come naturally, but I think most people are filled with reasonable amount of self-doubt and, as a result, their minds fill with self-deprecating thoughts from time to time. It's okay to struggle with self-love, but it's not okay not to give it a really solid try. You deserve to love yourself because, no matter who you are, you are awesome. So start embracing your awesomeness and use the five tips above to start loving yourself now. There's no time like the present to learn to love yourself!

Another Link to Black

Black, who challenges us to Know Ourselves, would approve of this article. (Originally posted at Heal Your Life, January 6, 2011.)

Love Your Inner Child
Releasing hurts of the past.
by LOUISE L. HAY

IT DOESN’T MATTER how old you are, there is a little child within who needs love and acceptance. If you’re a woman, no matter how self-reliant you are, you have a little girl who’s very tender and needs help. If you’re a man, no matter how macho you are, you still have a little boy inside who craves warmth and affection.

As children, when something went wrong, we tended to believe that there was something wrong with us. Children develop the idea that if they could only do it right, then parents and caregivers would love them, and they wouldn’t punish them. In time, the child believes, There is something wrong with me. I’m not good enough. As we grow older, we carry these false beliefs with us. We learn to reject ourselves.

There is a parent inside each of us, as well as a child. And most of the time, the parent scolds the child—almost nonstop! If we listen to our inner dialogue, we can hear the scolding. We can hear the parent tell the child what it is doing wrong or how it is not good enough. We need to allow our parent to become more nurturing to our child.

I have found that working with the inner child is most valuable in helping to heal the hurts of the past. At this point in our lives—right now—we need to begin to make ourselves whole and accept every part of who we are. We need to communicate with our inner child and let it know that we accept the part that did all the stupid things, the part that was funny looking, the part that was scared, the part that was very foolish and silly—every single part of ourselves.

Love is the greatest healing power I know. Love can heal even the deepest and most painful memories because love brings the light of understanding to the dark corners of our mind. No matter how painful our early childhood was, loving our inner child now will help us to heal it. In the privacy of our own minds we can make new choices and think new thoughts. Thoughts of forgiveness and love for our inner child will open pathways, and the Universe will support us in our efforts.

The following letter from my book, Letters to Louise, may help you better understand your inner child:

Dear Louise,

I was raised by parents who had very little love for themselves or others. They rarely praised me or validated my self-worth. Instead, they continually criticized and berated me, no matter how hard I tried to win their approval. And they frequently fought violently with each other.

As an adult, I have forgiven my parents, but I find myself locked in the shame and guilt and fear I was raised with. How can I rid myself of the many messages they taught me as a child and learn to love myself?

Dear One,

So many wonderful workshops are available to you. There are also 12-step programs of every sort. By reaching out and taking advantage of the help they offer, you can place yourself in a healing environment that may be helpful. You can also go within and silently ask the Universe to bring you to the appropriate next step in your healing process. Be sincere in really desiring to move into greater understanding.

Also, remind yourself every day that guilt is merely the feeling associated with a thought that you did something wrong. Shame is only a feeling associated with a thought that something was wrong with you.

Use the affirmation: I am perfect, whole, and compete, just as I am. The more you repeat this statement of truth about yourself, the quicker you will release the past.

And the affirmation she suggests is very similar to the one Jacqueline wrote: I am who I am. I am not ashamed.

Affirmations for Black

I thought someone might be interested in printing out the affirmations that Jacqueline wrote and I decorated...


Click for Full Size
or take this link to buy cards, magnets, etc.
I'm not 100% happy with the fonts, but it's good enough for now.

Fear of the Unknown

Really! I just scroll through the newsletter and click on my freebies, 99% of the time! But a layout caught my eye today, and I slowed my scrolling down enough to catch the title of this...

Again, I think it fits in perfect with our Black studies, linking back to the affirmation Jacqueline wrote, "I will spend time with the unknown and be not afraid of it."

LIFE MUSES
By Rozanne Paxman
Muse: To be absorbed in one's thoughts; engage in meditation. Not intended to solve the world's problems, another person's problems, or to cover topics completely. One does not have to agree with musings to enjoy them, just as one does not have to be the same as someone else to appreciate who they are.

Fear of the Unknown is a terrible fellow. He stands in hip boots and shakes fists in the air. He pulls frightening faces. He points, and he paces. He laughs when he scares you. He just doesn't care.

Fear of the Unknown is a terrible, wild man. He'll rip up your sofa and steal all your bread. He'll total your car and embezzle your money. He'll fire you, disown you, and leave you for dead.

Fear of the Unknown is a powerful fellow 'cause that's what he's told you and that's what you think. But the truth of the truth (and it's time that you knew it) is that Fear of the Unknown's a weak, sniveling stink.

He is vanquished forever when questions are answered – the ill-mannered questions that torment at night - the questions that stand in the back of your closet that jump out and get you and give you a fright.

"What if you fail here?" He whispers and teases. "What if they fire you and send you away? You'll starve, don't you know? You can't handle disasters. You're weak. You're a coward. You're foolish and lame."

"What if you're sick?" He mentions while moaning. "What if you're so sick that you pass away? You'll leave them behind without any money. They'll suffer and hate you when you're in your grave."

Fear of the Unknown is a persistent fellow. He sits in the parlor and rides in your truck. He follows you closely and sticks to your clothing. He walks in your shadow and laughs when you're stuck.

Fear of the Unknown is a sham of a fellow. His questions of terror you do need to hear. So listen and grab them and hold them and squeeze them. Write them and read them. Get rid of the fear.

Prepare for the worst things, the worst that he tells you. Decide what you'd do if your nightmares come true. Consider each one, from beginning to finish. How would you manage? What would you do?

And then he will leave you, old Fear of the Unknown. He'll leave you alone. He will go far away. Preparing and planning when you hear his questions are certain to scare him. He'll go without pay.

'Cause Fear of the Unknown loves shadows and darkness. Fear of the Unknown loves terror at night. He doesn't like bravery or courage or action. He doesn't like people who put up a fight.

Accept Your Truth

Serendipity is a wonderful thing...

This was in my ScrapGirls daily newsletter today; I don't normally *read* it (it's full of ads, but does link to a daily freebie for digital scrapbookers), but I did today. I think this fits in perfect with our Black studies..

LIFE MUSES
By Rozanne Paxman
Muse: To be absorbed in one's thoughts; engage in meditation. Not intended to solve the world's problems, another person's problems, or to cover topics completely. One does not have to agree with musings to enjoy them, just as one does not have to be the same as someone else to appreciate who they are.

I began scolding myself in my journal because I caught myself trying to be something I am not.

"I want to be acceptable," the conversation began.

"Acceptable to whom?" I countered.

"Acceptable to... to..." I thought. "Everybody?"

"That's silly," I shot back. "You can't be acceptable to everyone."

"You're right," I agreed. "I can't control if anyone at all will accept me. There may be times when what I am doing isn't acceptable to anyone."

"Remember what Abraham Lincoln said?"

"You can please most of the people some of the time. You can please some of the people all the time. But you can't please all of the people every time," I paraphrased.

"Correct. So, tell me... who are you?"

"I'm a short, blond, 53-year-old woman with a husband, four children, and two grandchildren. I run a digital scrapbooking company...."

Interrupting the flow of the description, I commanded, "Don't tell me what you are. Tell me who you are. Tell me what your truth is about yourself."

As soon as the thought came to me, I realized that I had stumbled onto something. Who am I? What is my truth?

I began making a list:

• I am spiritual. I love Heavenly Father and Christ. They are my North Star.
• I am focused when I work. Perhaps, too focused. I sometimes become unaware of what is happening around me.
• I am a deep thinker. In fact, I often think so deeply that I get lost in the forest.
• I am always trying to improve myself. I usually fail, but at least I keep trying.
• I am not cool. I don't care what is fashionable. I like what I like. The only time I feel unsure about what I like is when I start overanalyzing myself and worrying if people will think I'm dorky.
• I am an introvert. I enjoy spending time alone with brief expeditions into sociality, which sometimes tire me physically.
• I am easily bored.
• I stop and start projects too often.
• I am serious. Often, too serious.
• I have a wry sense of humor.
• I am a teacher.
• I am a storyteller.
• I speak in analogies.
• I am a writer.
• I am a musician (although not as much as I used to be).

As the list continued, I realized that I have more strengths than I give myself credit for. My strengths often counterbalance my weaknesses. I understood that it doesn't matter if other people see me differently than I see myself.

As I wrote my thoughts in my journal, I saw myself scrawl a phrase that caught my breath. "Accept your truth," it said.

I read the phrase over and over. "Accept your truth. Accept your truth. Accept your truth."

"Yes," I said. "That's it. If I accept my truth, I won't worry about being acceptable. This will open me to the freedom to accept others without worrying if they accept me."

I closed my journal and smiled.

Life is good.

A Month of Exploring Black

Last year, my partner, Jacqueline, and I dedicated each month to exploring the energy of the various signs of the zodiac as they came around. We would do a ritual each new moon; learn about the sign, its strengths and attributes; and spend a month meditating with some related affirmations.

This year we've decided to explore the colors, as described in Esmerelda Little Flame's book, Temple of the Twelve. This past new moon, we had planned an introduction feast & ritual to Lady Black, but were unable to do it until tonight. We discussed how Black is the color of Truth and Depth (or Troopth and Death as we all kept saying... XD ) and what that means to us, what our individual Truths are, and how we can bring this energy more into our lives.

Our affirmations are posted in the usual spot, and at the end of this month (perhaps closer to the next new moon), we'll be discussing any truths we may have discovered this month, no matter how big or small, that we weren't aware of before. I am also planning on doing another self-portrait and will answer the black questions again from the workbook before the month is up.

Oh, our affirmations, written by Jacqueline Parks, if anyone is interested:

Affirmations for the Energy of Black
~ I am who I am. I am not ashamed.
~ I will seek to know myself.
~ I will work to erase the influence of those things that are not part of the truth of me.
~ I will work to grow those things that are a part of the truth of me.
~ I will seek to know others.
~ I will seek truth in all things.
~ I will honor truth in my decisions.
~ I will spend time with the unknown and be not afraid of it.
~ I will release to black all of my fears, insecurities, and other demons.

Tot12: Red

I started working with Lady Red between the new & full moons of last month, and decided I should continue for at least a full moon turn. So I am still working with her... But unlike Lady Pink, she's been sending me many reminders in the strangest ways, letting me know she is with me. Last week it was cardinals - male cardinals to be specific - that kept hopping into road while I was driving!

I wish I had written down all the things that were happening to lead me to Lady Red and some of the other surprizing *Red* things, because right now I can't remember any but the cardinals, and two specific *other* strange things that, when I look up info on what they could mean, lead me back to Lady Red, but weren't obvious at first glance.

First there was the cicada...


While picnicking at the lake, I was inspired to do some drawing, and shortly after starting, there was a large *PLOP* and this little (?) fellow dropped onto my sketch book. He must have just shed his skin because one wing was a little curled still, which probably led to his falling on my book. I picked him (or her) up and he happily crawled up my sleeve and onto my shoulder where I let him stay until he was ready to fly off.

Naturally when I got home, I wanted to look up what being visited so uniquely by a cicada could mean. The first site I came to (Animal Totems, Dictionary of Insects) said,

"Cicadas aid in your emergence of You and understanding who you are by uncovering hidden truths and secrets that have long been forgotten. Usually this knowledge is just below the surface, so listen to Cicada for he will teach where and how to look. Cicadas will help in the [cycle] of birth, death, and rebirth. Which part of the 13-17 years [cycle] are you in? Cicadas will also teach the art of communication using song or the written word. He will aid in transforming your own voice into an amplification of your heart and your desires to sing your own light. Are you living each moment in the "Now"? Are you ready to emerge from the illusion into the light of truth and understanding? Cicada will teach you much if you are patient."

The second site I found (Cicada Trivia and Lore!) describes cicadas as having "wide set bulging red eyes..." (emphasis mine) and adds,

"The 13 to 17 year cycles of the cicada are very significant to those attached to this symbolic totem. Since the cicada has a short life-span we must learn how to live each moment to the fullest. It is reported that major changes or a death-rebirth process usually occurs within the individuals with the cicada totem every 13 to 17 years."

For me this is significant because it was 13 years ago when I left R, completely changed my life, and started rediscovering my passions; and I feel like right now I am doing a similar thing, reawakening, delving deeper into my passions, changing my life.

How does this relate to Lady Red? Well, for me, she's all about passion! A few days after the cicada visit, I read the last bit on Red & Green of Little Bird's story, and this part described how I feel:

Red helped her to be courageous and confident; she helped Caroline to believe in herself and her talents. Slowly Caroline came to a greater peace about it. Red always made her too excited about the creativity, the art, to be afraid for long. The excitement and joy always took over.

She found red to be a color of courage... inspiration... strength... motivation... energy. This she had known from past lives, but now remembered it. She found herself playing harder and working harder than ever before, for the Red fire was burning in her brightly. It was not a color of stillness, but of action and abundant external life.

This is where I am right now... Still a little afraid of being harshly judged but still so happy to have so many ideas bubbling out and having so many wonderful, supportive people to tell me I'm doing great work...

Then I read a few books by SARK while at my mother's; Eat Mangoes Naked, A Creative Companion, and Make Your Creative Dreams Real only further deepened this sense that I am on the right path with Red. Once home I started reading another book, How to Make a Bird, and came across this:

"It was if the feelings I had for [him] were once just plain-colored feelings, but now they'd darkened and reddened and brightened too, and whatever I did or said would have to come out in this bright red way."

And of course, drop the "for [him]" bit and voilá! This is what Lady Red has done to me! Almost like when Dorothy woke up in Oz and it all went from sepia to Technicolor... This is the reawakening I am experiencing. (Lots of other great imagery in the book, going to post about it soon!)

Then, there was the New Moon. Jacqueline does our New Moon rituals every month, researching what attributes are best focused on, and then she finds affirmations for us, which we hang and read every day. The last New Moon was focused on the Leo Energy, and our affirmations could have been written by Lady Red to me:

I honor my unique talents and special contributions to Life. I recognize the joyful presence of my Inner Child and its creative sense of fun. I respect the part of me that wants to feel special, appreciated, loved, and honored. I value the things that make me Me ... the reasons why I am "one of a kind." I cherish my joyful, playful, "spot-light loving" spirit ... that keeps me forever young.

Then there is the snake...


Ssshhh... don't tell Jacqueline but this little friend is living on our front step. A few days ago I was rearranging the plants and things on the front step and went to see if the wasps were still living under the ceramic bunny. When I lifted it, this little garter snake surprized me!

It slithered away after a few moments of contemplation, and I thought that would be that! But the next day & the next he (or she) was still there! Jacqueline doesn't like *wild* snakes, but I am thinking of this one as our own personal little protector, and obviously with a message for me, since I'm the only one to have discovered it.

So after getting a picture, I looked up what kind it was (common garter snake, as I thought, a young one), and what it meant. And once again was blown out of the water. "STOP KICKING ME IN THE HEAD!" I yelled out! XD The kids think I am insane, but I *get it* Lady Red! LOL!

The words that immediately jumped off the page at me, at the website I stumble across first, were these: "... symbol of transformation and healing ... a protector and guardian totem ... your creative forces are awakening ...signals a transition in your life ... new opportunities and/or changes ... fire medicine ..." (Emphasis mine again...) I didn't even bother to go to another page... I just get it, Lady Red.

OH! And another thing! This morning Jacqueline tells me that the Full Moon is in one week. And although she chose the names from a list wwwwaaaaaayyyyy back in January when she added it to our calendar, this month, we'll be celebrating the RED Full Moon! XD

I don't know if this is Lady Red claiming me as her priestess, or just me being more alert and aware of the messages the colors are bringing. I almost want to go back and work through all the other colors more carefully...

Anyway, I thought it was time to answer some questions...

1. If you were to meet Lady Red as you are today, how do you think she would appear to you? A young woman, late teens/early 20s, wearing a red satin dress, long dark wavy hair, café au lait skin, big light brown eyes, full mouth, big white smile, curvy... barefoot! Beckoning me to come dance, play, swim...

2. What do you think Lady Red represents for you in your life? PASSION! Creativity, sex, courage, doing what feels right and fun and ME!

3. If lady Red were to ask you why you are here in this life, and how you can best serve the Divine, how would you answer Lady Red? OH! My Notes from the Universe told me a little while ago... and I got it... Of all the people experiencing life, *I* am the only one who will see it from my perspective, with my foundation, background, and I am the only one who can share that knowledge (obvy cuz I'm the only one who knows!); that is why I am here. To best serve, I should live my life to its fullest. Experience all the intensity I can. And express myself! Help others see my vision...

4. If you could retreat to a little cabin in the woods, what would you take with you? AAAALLLLLLLL my art supplies - ok a wide variety of them - a few good books, my camera, maybe some music, some good food... Jacqueline? Oh... you mean alone... binoculars, nature books, my cell phone (in case of emergency, off mostly), appropriate shoes & clothing, my pillow...

5. Just as important, what would you leave behind? My computer, obviously some of my art supplies, Jacqueline & the kids (cuz I think I'm supposed to be going alone), my computer, fancy dress clothes, high heels, things the cabin already has?

6. Would your purpose in staying in a little cabin in the woods be the same as it was for Little Bird in the story, or would you have a different purpose? I would go to relax and make lots of art!

7. Tell us in what way you choose to once again hear the voice of the Gods, to heal yourself, to better create your dream. For me, losing myself in my art is how I hear the voice of the Gods. Every drawing is better than the last, every painting is an improvement, and while I get frustrated when things *don't* turn out exactly as planned, sometimes that's the best way to learn, and when I *do* get it how I wanted...? Bliss.

There is also a prayer to & contract with Red, but I think I shall write those a little later...

Boy, splitting up Red & Green questions is hard! Parts of this may be cross posted in my own journal...