Pink

The messages from Pink seem to be more subtle or perhaps I am just more resistant to them... It seems like it should be an easy color, all about love and kindness, but I seem to be having a hard time with it. Maybe it's because I'm just having a hard time with life in general right now, maybe it's just because I don't feel worthy of love... I've even have a hard time saying our affirmations...

Anyway, today - or rather sometime in the last week, I got these, but put off reading them until now - these bits seemed very important to me...

From the Yoga Journal newsletter (which I can't find online):

"If we cannot love and accept ourselves just as we are, we will find it difficult to truly love anyone else in such a limitless, unconditional way." ~ Frank Jude Boccio, yoga and Zen Buddhist teacher

From Creativity is Sexy: Allowing Yourself to Receive Pleasure (go read the whole thing!!!):

our sexuality and sensual side can be an immense source of pleasure. in many ways, it is the physical definition of pleasure. though in order to enjoy this part of ourselves we have really be in tune with our desires, let go of shame, and embrace our imperfect bodies. these are often really hard things to do and is also why so many of us have left this part of ourselves behind.
...
this doesn’t mean you have to be swinging from the chandelier scantily clad and shooting whipped cream all over your bits (though that might be fun!), but what it really means is getting honest about how you feel physically and accept how you exist in this very moment...

I realize this last one might be considered a message from Red or Green, but accepting who I am now, physically, mentally, spiritually... and loving myself enough to allow others to love me too accept the love of others... that's all Pink, baby.

Affirmations for the Energy of Pink

I wrote them here a few days ago I think, but here they are for downloading & printing...

Jacqueline wrote the affirmations, and I did the illustration. Shame the scanner didn't get the colors quite right; there is a pink gradient from the edges where it's darker to the center where it's almost white.


From there you can save the large copy, which *should* print out just right on a regular sheet of paper...

Messages from Pink

I've not been hearing them so much this month, like I did last month from Black. However, I have been feeling a need to be compassionate to not just the people around me, but myself mostly. Today however, I got a link to this in an email, which is a lesson I am sure Pink is trying to share.

Here are some very simple exercises you can start with, from my book, The Goddess DIET, See a Goddess in the Mirror in 21 Days.

Empowerment Tools: Beauty Is As Beauty Does

1. Begin by looking into a mirror several times every day. Hold your own gaze for a short period of time, and say meaningfully, “You are beautiful,” or, “Hello beautiful goddess.”
2. When you step out of the shower, create your own Personal Power Pose in the mirror. Start with your hands together over your head, relax your shoulders, and then move your arms, legs and body until you settle into a natural pose. Say directly to your gaze, “You are goddess.”
3. This one might get you giggling, but that’s OK. Start by framing your foot with your hands. Move your hands around it saying, “I love my foot, my beautiful foot.” Repeat this for your calves, your knees, and for every part of your body until you get to the top. Repeat any time you need a morale boost.
4. Where your attention goes, energy flows. Focussing on a spare tyre only adds weight to the issue, (boom boom). Express gratitude to your beautiful bits by affirming your reflection, and watch these ‘bits’ take precedence. When you lose attachment to ‘ugliness’, it loses it grip on you. Your body can then settle into its own perfect size, naturally and beautifully.

Oh, and since we had no ink for the printer, we didn't get to these until now...

Affirmations for the Energy of Pink

• I will treat myself with love and compassion.
• I will strive to acknowledge and work to heal those wounds which keep me from being complete.
• I will recognize my emotions, allow myself to feel them, and let go of them when the time is right.
• I will remember that each person is a unique being with strengths and weaknesses.
• I will refrain from judging others, and will meet each individual with love and compassion.
• I will strive to always act with kindness and love.
• I will strive to respect all of the living beings of the world.

The Depth of Black

First, my self-portrait...


Click to view on black...
Created in my sketchbook with black markers, a little black crayon, some grey marker on the me,
and just a touch of the other colors of the rainbow, because Black contains them all.
1. In the story, Little Bird meets Black and is challenged to discover who her authentic, real self is. How well do you know your own authentic self? We asked you to create a portrait of your self at the beginning of this adventure. How well do you think that portrait describes your real, authentic self? I believe it's fairly accurate. All of the words I had originally added, when I asked others to describe me, were the same or synonyms of their replies.

2. After having read Chapter One and meeting Black, is there anything that you would like to add to your initial portrait? Yes. I have since added a few words: driver and computer user. And I think more of the dark, not-so-pretty words to describe me should maybe be added as well, like fearful, depressed, angry... but I didn't want those words so permanently displayed and connected to Me... perhaps, I shall add them in pencil - which would continue the Black theme, but allow for impermanence unlike the marker...

3. Little Bird of the story has been gifted with artistic talent. What would you say are your own gifts and talents? Creativity, kindness, the ability to see beauty and good in everything and everyone...

4. Do you feel you have fully explored them? Why or why not? No, not fully. The creative side of me was squashed for a long time. It's not a productive thing was the message I got. So I am now only beginning to allow myself to explore this side of Me.

5. And how do you think Black would encourage you to explore the depths of those gifts and talents? What would she ask you to do with them? I think Black sees that I am on the right path and would encourage me to continue, make art, take photos, show others the beauty you see, be kind...

6. Some people are afraid of Black, thinking it is evil. Do you feel any fear towards Black? If so, why? I've never seen black as an evil color, and I have no fear of Black. But I do fear the unknown, and I do try to hide from the truth when I fear it may hurt - myself or others.

7. You have seen how Caroline reacts and interacts with Deity as represented by the color Black? If you were in Little Bird’s place, how do you think you would react and interact with the color Black? I am not as effusive as Little Bird and tend to keep a tight rein on my reactions - I try anyway. Likely I would be respectful, but probably too self-conscious or nervous to say much or let much show.

8. Select just one of the gifts and talents that you listed earlier. Write down your plan on how you will improve that gift or talent. Sharing the beauty I see with others is one I feel I really want to work on right now. I don't just mean physical beauty that one can see plainly; I think we call have no trouble with that. But when I am in a classroom, being able to show other teachers and the students the beauty of the world around them, the beauty of a child's interest & enthusiasm, the beauty in their work... that is what is important to me right now. That is what is going to make the biggest change I think.

9. OPTIONAL: Write your own Prayer to Black here. Lady Black, help me to release my fears of the unknown, to see the beauty of everything, to understand the truth of each individual I meet, and especially to see and understand the beauty and truth of ME and not be ashamed.

10. A Ritual for Black: Jacqueline & I did a ritual on the first. I wish my computer hadn't died the next morning because I had been so gung-ho to type out all that happened, and now I can barely remember. ;-; We cast a circle and called the quarters, and then lit a candle to shed light on our truths. We talked about the lessons Black had taught each of us and shared our thoughts on them. Then we added some things to our altar as reminders of these lessons, then extinguished the candle as a reminder that even in the dark the truth is still there if we are open to seeing it.

Blarghety-Blargh

I woke up yesterday wanting to do a post about our wrap up with Black, including the self portrait I had been working on for about a week, and the question in the workbook, but my computer had other ideas. The power supply decided to stop working, leaving me without my usual programs and links and everything... So I couldn't do that and spent much of the day in a heightened state of frustration and agitation, which has carried over into today, but I am dealing as best as I can. (Only one breakdown this afternoon...)

I had thought I had done a good job learning the lessons Black had been teaching me. I had been discovering the Truth of Me, working to eliminate things that weren't a part of me, being true to my Self, working to see and know the truth of the people around me, but apparently I needed a few more lessons.

I was taking for granted that I was a driver and computer user. They were just so much a part of me that I had not included them in my self-portrait, I had included the big things: teacher, student, artist... and the harder to remember things: beautiful, short, wise... But as important as those 2 things are to me, I had not put them on. But without them I was SO. LOST.

First my car died. Not just a simple fix. The kind of estimated cost for repairs that makes the breath leave your body and you have to struggle to maintain the rest of the conversation, without fainting or laughing out loud at them like a raving lunatic. And our car is old, and has been with us a long time. We put nearly 100,000 miles on it ourselves. It was time to retire it and get something new. Of course, the taxes aren't due to be direct deposited until Friday; so for the past week, I've been Sitting with the Unknown, and being OK with it.

In the past I would be freaking out. Begging to borrow a car so I could get places. Trying to borrow money so I could buy a car NOW. Crying all the time because it's gone and I don't have another and what are we gonna do! But I was/am ok. I did none of that. And except for a small breakdown about the computer a few hours ago, I'm just trusting that the right car will come when we have our money.

Then the computer died. Not the whole thing, all my stuff is safe on my HD, just the power supply. Of course, like the car, it has to wait for the money. And I am *stuck* using my step-father's old machine. The one that my mom gave me when he died in August 09, that I was going to give to the kids when I got the family photos off, that's been sitting in the kitchen just waiting for me to have the time.

Wait... Stuck? Yeah, stuck. This thing is older then my machine, that gave me a hard time about doing too much. It doesn't have my photo editing program, the one I use to scan my pics to share, it doesn't have the drivers for my printer/scanner (took me 3 hours to try to get them on before it had a "fatal error in installation" and crashed), my email program isn't here (thank goodness for gmail, sucks to be still sending me mail at my rr addy though, that'll wait), it doesn't know what to do if I hook my camera up to it, and my pictures... my 100s of 1000s of photos and images and inspiration... GAH!

But wait... those are just inconveniences, aren't they? I am still here. Online. I have been slowed down. I can't multi-task on this. I have a clean slate. I don't need 100s of 1000s of pics that aren't mine. And I still have a majillion art & craft supplies to entertain me, and 4 wonderful kids, and Jacqueline, and a warm house, and clothes, and tasty food... and... really, do I need anything else?

Why am I complaining so much and allowing so much frustration and anger to fill my days when I am still damn fucking lucky? I need to go apologize to Jacqueline & the kids for being such a cranky ass.