Stuck on Pink

Jacqueline & I worked through a few other colors last year, but I never finished with Lady Pink. At the beginning of this year I chose a Word of the Year: DO. You see, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I should be or need to be doing; writing lists; waiting for this, that, or the other thing to be right; and I just need to stop doing that and just DO. Stop thinking about making art, DO it; stop saying you should call your mom, DO it; stop saying you should apply for a new job, - to quote those famous Nike ads - just DO it! So, in choosing that word, I have been DO-ing.

Then about mid-month last month, I started a daily gratitude post on my private facebook. I was having a VERY hard time with life right then and I needed to remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life that I was so grateful to be blessed with. Some days were *really* hard. Things have improved, but still I continue the habit.

You might be wondering what these two things have to do with Pink, as was I, but it kept coming back to me that Lady Pink *was* asking me to do these things. So I thought on it, and thought on it, and thought on it. And I have figured it out. Lady Pink's lessons are about Love & Acceptance, not just of other beings, but of ourselves. At least for me she is... And in order for me to love myself, I need to see that I am capable of DO-ing and that even when times are bad, my life is pretty is awesome.

And so I will continue with my DO-ing and my gratitude lists and learning to Love & Accept myself, but I will move on now to work with Silver...

Pink Questions

1. In chapter two, Little Bird meets Pink and is challenged to examine the hurts in her life and how to heal those hurts. As you have read in this chapter, Little Bird was given the task to find her three greatest heart wounds and begin to heal them. Before we discuss your three greatest heart wounds, let's talk of Pink, as she is much different from Black. How do you feel about Pink? What does this color mean to you?
Pink is the color of bubble gum & cotton candy, unicorn manes & fairy wings, princess gowns & poodle poofs, spring flowers & twilight skies. It evokes in me a sense of innocence love, the kind that children naturally have for everyone and everything before life messes things up.

2. Pink is the color of compassion. Do you, dear reader, consider yourself to be a kind and compassionate person? Why or why not?
I do. I am affected by things that others around me don't seem to be. Although I do tend to not be very compassionate with myself.

3. If you were in similar situations as Little Bird, how would your response be different or the same?
Probably different. I don't run away from love. I tend to be more cautious now, but I still tend to jump right in.

4. Do you feel you have treated yourself with gentle compassion throughout your life?
Definitely not. I am very hard on myself, expecting myself to live up to a higher standard than others around me.

5. Some people think that because Pink is so gentle, she is not a strong color. Do you think of Pink as strong or weak?
It's definitely a strong color; have you seen my grandmother's bedroom?

6. What, dear reader, do you think are your three greatest heart wounds?
I am still working to heal the wounds I discussed last time I answered these questions. My relationships with my mom and dad, and my break-up with R, all of which left/leave me feeling *not-good-enough* about myself.

7. Which of the three you have listed would you say is your greatest heart wound?
Definitely my relationship with my father.

8. What of your other two greatest heart wounds? How would you describe the healing for these to Pink?
I think I just need to keep remembering that my mom & R - and my Dad - are all doing the best they can & know, and were all along. I need to think of them with love and compassion - and myself...

9. Let us return to your single greatest heart wound. Write down your plan to heal that heart wound. I offer you a blessing as you begin this healing. Remember, Pink is always with you.
I need to just start talking to my dad more. Keep that same thing in mind, that he did and is doing the best he can, and to keep remembering that we love each other.

10. Optional: Write your own prayer to Pink.
Lady Pink, please help me to see everyone through the eyes of love and compassion, keeping in mind that they are all doing the best they can - including myself.

11. If you'd like to be closer to Pink, spend a month with her, and every day for a month, do something kind for someone else. It can be as simple as a kind word or a smile. Record your gifts to Pink.
I do feel drawn to do something like this, as a way to extend my time with Pink, but I think instead of doing a specific act of kindness, I am going to do 2 things:

1. Over the next month or so I am going to drop 30 kindness cards (like these) when we are out and about.
2. Every evening before bed, I am going to meditate on sending love & compassion to the world, particularly the people around me, and ask for the same in return.

Perhaps a message from Pink?

(I think this message can go for men too, you know? Anyone who has a body really!)

Pink

The messages from Pink seem to be more subtle or perhaps I am just more resistant to them... It seems like it should be an easy color, all about love and kindness, but I seem to be having a hard time with it. Maybe it's because I'm just having a hard time with life in general right now, maybe it's just because I don't feel worthy of love... I've even have a hard time saying our affirmations...

Anyway, today - or rather sometime in the last week, I got these, but put off reading them until now - these bits seemed very important to me...

From the Yoga Journal newsletter (which I can't find online):

"If we cannot love and accept ourselves just as we are, we will find it difficult to truly love anyone else in such a limitless, unconditional way." ~ Frank Jude Boccio, yoga and Zen Buddhist teacher

From Creativity is Sexy: Allowing Yourself to Receive Pleasure (go read the whole thing!!!):

our sexuality and sensual side can be an immense source of pleasure. in many ways, it is the physical definition of pleasure. though in order to enjoy this part of ourselves we have really be in tune with our desires, let go of shame, and embrace our imperfect bodies. these are often really hard things to do and is also why so many of us have left this part of ourselves behind.
...
this doesn’t mean you have to be swinging from the chandelier scantily clad and shooting whipped cream all over your bits (though that might be fun!), but what it really means is getting honest about how you feel physically and accept how you exist in this very moment...

I realize this last one might be considered a message from Red or Green, but accepting who I am now, physically, mentally, spiritually... and loving myself enough to allow others to love me too accept the love of others... that's all Pink, baby.

Affirmations for the Energy of Pink

I wrote them here a few days ago I think, but here they are for downloading & printing...

Jacqueline wrote the affirmations, and I did the illustration. Shame the scanner didn't get the colors quite right; there is a pink gradient from the edges where it's darker to the center where it's almost white.


From there you can save the large copy, which *should* print out just right on a regular sheet of paper...

Messages from Pink

I've not been hearing them so much this month, like I did last month from Black. However, I have been feeling a need to be compassionate to not just the people around me, but myself mostly. Today however, I got a link to this in an email, which is a lesson I am sure Pink is trying to share.

Here are some very simple exercises you can start with, from my book, The Goddess DIET, See a Goddess in the Mirror in 21 Days.

Empowerment Tools: Beauty Is As Beauty Does

1. Begin by looking into a mirror several times every day. Hold your own gaze for a short period of time, and say meaningfully, “You are beautiful,” or, “Hello beautiful goddess.”
2. When you step out of the shower, create your own Personal Power Pose in the mirror. Start with your hands together over your head, relax your shoulders, and then move your arms, legs and body until you settle into a natural pose. Say directly to your gaze, “You are goddess.”
3. This one might get you giggling, but that’s OK. Start by framing your foot with your hands. Move your hands around it saying, “I love my foot, my beautiful foot.” Repeat this for your calves, your knees, and for every part of your body until you get to the top. Repeat any time you need a morale boost.
4. Where your attention goes, energy flows. Focussing on a spare tyre only adds weight to the issue, (boom boom). Express gratitude to your beautiful bits by affirming your reflection, and watch these ‘bits’ take precedence. When you lose attachment to ‘ugliness’, it loses it grip on you. Your body can then settle into its own perfect size, naturally and beautifully.

Oh, and since we had no ink for the printer, we didn't get to these until now...

Affirmations for the Energy of Pink

• I will treat myself with love and compassion.
• I will strive to acknowledge and work to heal those wounds which keep me from being complete.
• I will recognize my emotions, allow myself to feel them, and let go of them when the time is right.
• I will remember that each person is a unique being with strengths and weaknesses.
• I will refrain from judging others, and will meet each individual with love and compassion.
• I will strive to always act with kindness and love.
• I will strive to respect all of the living beings of the world.

Altar

Since Yule is past, and 12th Night is past, and Imbolc is fast approaching (YAY Spring is on the way!), I have taken down our Yule altar and created one for Imbolc and Pink, since I'll be working with her this month (and possibly Silver too). It seems very bare compared to the last few, which had some larger pieces either on the wall or in the corner....

Click here to jump into my flickr photostream where you
can see closer and read little notes about everything!

Temple of the Twelve: Pink

1. Let’s talk of Pink, as she is much different from Black. How do you feel about Pink? What does this color mean to you?
Pink to me is the color of romance and love of course, as well as bubble gum and cotton candy, baby girls and ballet... sweetness and love and fun...

2. Pink is the color of compassion. Do you consider yourself to be a kind and compassionate person? Why or why not?
I do consider myself kind and compassionate. I would never intentionally hurt someone or something, and I try to help when I can, often over-extending myself in the process.

3. If you were in similar situations as Little Bird, how would your response be different, or the same?
My reaction to Gawen would definitely have been different from Caroline’s. I have never been afraid of love. I fall fast and have never been afraid of the repercussions. Yes, it leads to hurt more often than not, but ever since I was a child I’ve been hungry for it and I don’t hesitate.

4. Do you feel you have treated yourself with gentle compassion throughout your life?
No. I am harder on myself than anyone, holding myself to higher standards than I do others. I feel guilty for not doing enough, for not doing the right things, for hurting & disappointing people in ways that were unavoidable and unintentional...

5. Some people think that because Pink is so gentle, she is not a strong color. Do you think of Pink as strong or weak?
It is risky to love, to be so open, and it takes strength to allow oneself to be vulnerable like that. It’s not weak.

6. What do you think are your three greatest heart wounds?
It is hard to answer this question. I don’t like to dwell on the past. I don’t like to remember it. No, I’ve not had a horrible past, but I have been hurt, and I don’t like to drag it up; it’s like opening the wound all over again. But in the interest of spiritual growth, I shall give it a try.

While my relationship with my mom is good now, it wasn’t always so. My mom did the best she could but she made mistakes that still affect me. She got a job when I was young and I became a latchkey kid; my grades dropped, my weight went up, and my self-esteem dropped lower (I had never really fit in). She later divorced my father, and moved me & her to my grandmother’s one weekend while I was sent away to my aunt’s; she never told me until it was done. She claimed one reason was that my dad hit me; yet after the divorce, my father never spanked me again, but she did. When she remarried, she became too wrapped up in my stepfather and catering to his every need that mine were pushed aside. That continues to today. I am an adult now and can see that she is human, and is doing the best that she can, but not having her be the mother I felt she should have been was (is?) a pretty big heart wound.

My relationship with my dad is strained. He is very self-absorbed, and quite uninterested in his daughter’s thoughts and interests. I am just his little girl. As a child I was a disappointment because I cried often and at the slightest provocation. He never fostered my interest in his hobbies (autos), and now is disappointed because I am not going to be taking over his engine shop. If I try to tell him about my life and what’s going on, somehow the conversations always end up back on him; so I’ve stopped trying. I just want to feel like I am not a disappointment to him, like he hears me and cares. Feeling this way, this hurt, really doesn’t make me amiable to the idea of taking care of him, as harsh as that sounds. It feels incredibly unfair to me that he hasn’t been there for me unless things were hugely dire, yet I am expected to help him no matter the cost to me (I don’t mean purely financial here).

Choosing a third heart wound is even harder. So many big important hurts, that all seem so small and insignificant now. I guess it would be the dissolution of my relationship with R. I was so in love with him. I wanted to get married, buy some property, build a home, raise a family, grow old together... But there was always some reason, some small thing to accomplish, some thing that made me not good enough to marry. He wasn’t abusive, not in anyway, but he still wore away at my self-esteem and confidence. I eventually left him, and almost immediately got engaged to my (eventually) ex-husband, but I still find myself thinking and doing things that are not true to myself, but are things that R would have thought or wanted. Feeling not good enough is a very big heart wound.

7. Which of the three you have listed would you say is your greatest heart wound?
They are all big and hurtful, and they all affect me in different ways at different times. I don’t think I can choose one over another.

8. What of your other two greatest heart wounds? How would you describe the healing for these to Pink?
Hmmm... Well, since the next question is to write a plan to heal one of my heart wounds, and 2 of them are mostly healed already, I shall describe the healing that was done.

First, with my mother, I grew up, I examined her life from the outside, I analyzed why she acts the way she does and the things she did. I realized she was human too, just as imperfect and insecure and not at all the infallible woman I expected my mother to be. I learned to see who she really was as a person and realized I still love her and appreciate all she tried (and tries) to do for me.

With R, after a brief but total separation, we were reunited by a mutual friend, and have had several discussions about what happened, but mostly have just let the past alone and lived only in the present. As with my mother, I have tried to see him for the person he *is* instead of the person I wanted him to be, to analyze why he thinks and acts like he does without judging. I realize that he too is human and imperfect, yet I am grateful to have him in my life still, because the wounds were not caused by him deliberately. He was doing the best he could, and it was only my expectations that caused my disappointment and hurt.

9. Let us return to your single greatest heart wound. Write down your plan to heal that heart wound. I offer you a blessing as you begin this healing. Remember Lady Pink is always with you.
Not having a good relationship with my dad is it. It is fresh and particularly raw right now. But like I did with my mom & R, I need to realize my dad is an imperfect, insecure human being too, capable of making mistakes just like everyone else. I need to analyze why he thinks and acts like he does, so I can better understand the person he is, and better understanding will allow my interactions with him to be filled with love and compassion, instead of only feeling put upon, and angry, and frustrated. If I could eliminate those feelings, then I could better relate to him, and be a better help.

10. OPTIONAL: Write your own prayer to Pink.
I will think on this...

11. A GIFT FOR PINK. On pages 26-27 in the workbook, there are spaces to record your daily kindnesses, for one month. If you’d like to copy any of those here, please do.
I will try to make a post about these daily...